rennes

3.31.2012





I don't have any sunglasses. Which is kind of odd considering I get my eyes dilated at least once a month. The thing I'm trying to figure out right now is do I need prescription sunglasses, or do I cave in and get non-prescription. I wore contacts all the time up until three years ago and I now I just wear glasses. I kind of want to wear contacts again, but am not sure. I really like these Illesteva ones, they look like something from the City of Lost Children.

I had a bit of a scare this past Thursday that I'm still a bit shaken by. I was at home working as usual, and all the sudden I couldn't see out of about half of my left eye - just a lot of flashing and blindness. It was really scary. Right away I thought it was my eye disease (as these are symptoms very common with it) but it had never come on so quickly and so big. Jesse rushed home from work and we drove over the hospital. The flashing lasted about an hour but then subsided and my vision came back gradually. It turns out it was a migraine, something so common, but nothing I've ever had before. I'm so thankful this was the case, but it left us all stressed and on edge.

That said, it's hard not to be constantly nervous that something is really going to go wrong, which in all likely hood it will as some point - I'm not being pessimistic, just realistic, but that doesn't mean I'm not optimistic that it won't. It is one of the hardest things for me to talk about because I don't know how to talk about it. It's hard to explain why I go to the doctor often (at lease one day a month) for this. Most people in there 20s don't see this many doctors or have these kinds of health issues. I don't know how many times I have to explain to friends and family that it doesn't go away or get better - it just has times where it's stable or not active. I had started the post about the sunglasses yesterday, but anything related to glasses and eyes and everything just makes me start thinking, and I can't avoid talking about it. I am lucky - I have a really good support base - Jesse and my parents have been very amazing about the whole thing, and I have quite a few close friends who understand and are very loving. That doesn't mean that it's not hard.

11 comments:

jen said...

I'm currently debating the same thing, Rx sunglasses or contacts + regulars. Having one pair of old Rx sunglasses I'm leaning towards the contacts since I got tired of my prescription glasses after a year and lenses are not cheap! Glad your scare was only a migraine though I know that's a funny thing to say b/c of how bad those can be. I also went to the ER for my first eye migraine, those things will scare the shit out of anyone!

Carolynn Bullard said...

it sounds very very hard. You are so strong and brave, dear Rennes, and I will keep you in my prayers.

Belinda said...

Firstly, migraines SUCK. You must have been so scared. I'm glad that's all it was.

I also want to say that I think it is good to protect your eyes from UV, especially if you have other issues with them. I wear sunnies all the time. Actually, my own health issues mean I am very sensitive to sunlight so I am in a lot of discomfort without them!

I understand what it's like to have this online life and then to have serious, long term health problems that you live with every day and hardly talk about online. I go to the doctor every week, and every moment of every day I live with symptoms that are so severe that if most other people woke up feeling like I do they would not even get out of bed. I don't mind talking about it, but it's nice to try and forget about it for a bit when I am online. I think that is one of the reasons I started blogging, actually.

I also have to constantly explain it to my friends and family, and they seem to think that if I don't talk about it for a while then I am feeling better (which I am not!). And sometimes they ask me to do things that I just can't do, and they get annoyed when I say no. It can be very frustrating to have an 'invisible illness' in this regard - you don't get much sympathy or understanding (I never want to hear anyone say 'oh, but you don't look sick' EVER AGAIN). I do have a partner who is very supportive and understanding, which, like you say, makes a huge difference. It's nice to have someone to go to when it just gets overwhelming.

Anyway, it's nice to read about your issues sometimes, as it reminds me that I am not alone. xx

jenny gordy said...

I'm so sorry about what you're going through--it sounds heartbreaking. You must have been so terrified by the migraine and now always worried about what's next. It does sound like things are really difficult and unfair. My thoughts are with you, and I think you definitely deserve some rad new sunglasses.

eyesofab.com said...

oh that had to have been terrifying julia! but you are definitely one strong lady for sharing this with us all! i had something like this happen last spring. after working a 12+hr day in front of the computer the following morning at work i had the same loss of vision and flashing as you, plus my entire arm went numb. it was a migraine, and a scary one. so i can imagine how you felt. keep strong, and positive. you will be in my thoughts!

P R I M O E Z A said...

i think anyone would agree that sounds pretty tough. hugs x.

infusionfibers said...

Just a hunch, but I think if you would want to wear them fairly often, you might like prescription better. I have considered this very thing, and also have been wanting to go back to contact lenses, even just sometimes, but there are days you don't want to deal with contacts - eyes are itchy, tired, etc.

The eye disease you have sounds really challenging and scary. I am glad your recent scare turned out just to be a scare. Hang in the Julia. Realistic is key, and keeping positive is vital! So great that you have a strong support system. xo

joyce said...

hi julia -- i'm so sorry that this happened. you must have been really frightened. i admire your bravery and am so glad you have a strong support system!

Carrie Kim said...

Yeah, I don't know how to talk about it either. Chronic illness is weird like that. I've had health problems for about 13 years(it started in my early twenties) and my experience has been that a chronic illness is really hard for family and friends to deal with. I think it's natural for people to expect a resolution or a treatment plan that ends with the end of the disease. I think it can be painful for them when it doesn't. The chronic part of a chronic disease really sucks. Honestly, I guess it all sucks. But who wants to think about that? On another note, I've been waiting FOREVER for Warby Parker to sell prescription sunglasses.
I'll pray for your eye disease. Thank you for writing about it, it's good to be reminded that I'm not the only young person who's been to way too many doctors appointments and sometimes it's important to talk about it. Best wishes, Carrie

Gaby said...

I stumbled upon your blog and was so glad because you write so much compared to other blogs! I sit at a computer in a small boutique knitting most days to stay busy and love a good blog with a lot of written content...

This post really struck a chord with me. One of my close friends suddenly began having ocular migranes a few years ago while we were living together and it was a terrifying experience for him and everyone who cared about him. The hospital doctors didn't identify his symptoms at first and thought he was having mini-strokes, and as a visual artist even the idea of having a stroke affected his life and art in a huge way. Finally he was diagnosed with migranes but only after a few harrowing months in and out of the hospital.

My heart goes out to you for being so strong in the face of a chronic illness and I admire your realistic expectations. It seems like you're living a more fulfilling life than most, so here's a round of applause to you for working with what you've got and making the most of everything!

k. wang said...

i'm glad it didn't turn out to be anything more serious or permanent, but i can't even imagine how scary that would be. stay strong, and damn straight gina, you deserve some new sunglasses!